Advice to help you survive August and beyond

Ariel Leve

Dear Cassandra,
My husband says he will divorce me if I keep bouncing out of bed in the morning, singing 'Another day, another dollar'. What should I do?
Muriel, Rhyl

Dear Muriel,

How important is your husband? Really. It sounds like you’ll be fine on your own. Do you really need to be married? I doubt it. If I were your husband, I’d be miserable having to face that kind of enthusiasm every morning. Think of what you’re doing to him. Clearly you’re not one to consider the impact your cheerfulness has on his psyche. Stop torturing him and agree to a divorce.

Dear Cassandra,
I sometimes feel like a bad person because I worry more about my dry cleaning bills than about global warming and third world debt. What should I do?

Tamara, Gloucester Road

Dear Tamara,

Why should you feel like a bad person? If you were wearing wrinkled linen or dirty cashmere – it wouldn’t help save the world. Throughout history people have panicked when reading a ‘dry clean only’ tag – and for what? The world has survived. Embrace your anxiety and leave global warming to Al Gore.

Dear Cassandra,
I prefer my own company to the company of other people. Is this wrong?

Graham Grace, Finsbury Park

Dear Graham,

Why would this be wrong? Not everyone has something to say. And even when you’re around people who have something to say, it can be taxing. I prefer to be around people who prefer their own company. The only problem is, they don’t go out very much – so it’s hard to meet them.

Dear Cassandra,
In the past six months I have lost my job, my boyfriend has walked out on me and I have had to move out of my flat and onto a friend’s floor. I feel pretty chipper, should I worry about this?

Alice Harrison

Dear Alice,

Yes. The fact that you have to ask if you should worry is indicative of how far gone you are. You are sleeping on a floor. Unless you have a back problem, it doesn’t get any more depressing than that. Something is very wrong with you that you don’t see this and I suggest you seek help immediately.

Dear Cassandra,
My wife says I am a misanthrope? Is that a bad thing?

Peter, Willesden

Dear Peter,

I’m confused. Are you asking me what the definition of a misanthrope is? Or, are you asking me if I think it’s a bad thing to be misanthropic? Either way, I don’t like your wife.

Being a misanthrope doesn’t necessarily mean you hate people, it can mean you just have negative thoughts about them – and what’s wrong with that? Why does everything and everyone have to be so appreciated all the time? Give your wife a copy of Chicken Soup For The Soul and tell her to go away. I know, I’m a horrible person. Thanks for writing!